If all of your coat pockets smell like Snausages
If you've given up on lint rollers and just buy clothes to match your dog
If you’ve ever discussed anal glands with a stranger
If all of your shoes are stored above eye-level
If you've ever reached into your pocket for cash and come out with poop bags
If more than half of your living room is taken up by a crate and pen
If you’ve ever stolen the plastic bag off your neighbor’s newspaper because you were caught unprepared
If your kitchen floor is squeaky clean but a little sticky
If it's a pretty good day when the worst thing that gets on you is pee pee
If you’ve ever had to pull something out of your dog’s business end
If you’ve met more of your neighbors since getting a dog than you had met in the previous ten years
If you’ve ever spotted a missing (and frighteningly large) household item in your dog’s poop
If you know that your dog doesn't like to be hugged, but you still can't stop yourself
If you secretly suspect dog has trained you to fetch
If your dog has a more elaborate car safety system than you had as a child
If you’ve ever smiled at an attractive stranger while holding a bag of #2
If you think you might actually be qualified to be a veterinarian at this point
If you’ve ever walked around the block in your pajamas
If you’ve ever gotten rained on because SOMEONE can't go potty without the umbrella over her
If you’ve ever had your fingers three knuckles deep in your dog's throat to stop him from swallowing something he shouldn't
If you don't even notice the slobber any more
If you’ve ever debated with your spouse over whether it’s safe to let your dog eat mulch
If you’ve made more trips to the emergency vet than the emergency room
If you own more Kongs than dinner plates
If the idea of getting pet health insurance has stopped seeming absurd
If you can clean your dog’s ears, brush her teeth and apply frontline in less time than it takes to toast a bagel...
You know you're a dog lover.
Copyright 2010 Hilary Bolea
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