What Toddlers and Puppies Know

I took Bagel to visit my sister and her family in West Virginia, and we were all relaxing by the pool. I had given him an old flip flop to run around with and guard as his prize, but my two-year-old niece thought he shouldn’t be allowed to have it.

Sloan would approach Bagel to try to take the flip flop. Bagel would face her and gaze at her, perfectly still, calculating how close he could let her get and still get away. At the last possible moment, he would dash off with a flourish, making Sloan throw back her head and laugh. Then she would run after him and try again. It was fascinating to watch them play this game, both instinctively knowing rules that neither had been taught.

The beauty of the game was that they both loved it, and they both wanted to play it forever. At nearly three years old, Sloan is at the age where she likes to ask the same question, watch the same movie, hear the same story, fifty times in a row. At nine months, Bagel is at age where he wants to play “chase me for my toy” fifty times in a row. At this moment in their lives, they are right on the same wavelength. They can communicate beautifully because Sloan hasn't yet learned all the words and complicated ideas that dull our animal instincts.

Back home in Alexandria, I have taken Bagel to play with toddlers at a nearby park, to get him used to small children. The game they always come up with is "chase the puppy for his ball," and it's fascinating to watch how Bagel dashes off to a safe distance, and turns and faces the kids; they approach and instinctively slow down as they get closer, and fan out to surround Bagel; Bagel hunkers down and scans the wall of children for a gap, and dashes out at the last moment, making them all laugh and chase him again. He even runs slowly, so they can keep up.

The game goes on and on with its unspoken rules, leaving me to wonder how both puppy and toddlers know exactly how to play it.

Petulant Sighs and Air Kisses

I have a dogs and cats calendar that gives a quote, ostensibly by Shakespeare : “Me and my dog, we speak the language of love. I understand his kisses, and he mine.” I don’t think Shakespeare really said that, but I love it all the same.

After I read that quote, I wanted to know, did Bagel really understand the meaning of my kisses? Do they convey an affectionate bond, or are they just an irritation to him?

In her wonderful book The Other End of the Leash, Patricia McConnell describes how primates (like humans and chimps) crave the ventral-ventral contact of hugs, but canines don’t. She has a funny and enlightening spread of pictures that shows how miserable most dogs look when they are being hugged, in spite of the rapturous (and oblivious) faces of their owners. So I try not to hug Bagel too much, with mixed results.

I decided to try a little experiment with Bagel. I kissed his ears, and Bagel smacked his lips -- he opened his mouth ever so slightly, and stuck out his tongue just a little, as though he were trying to lick his nose but only made it part way.

I waited a few seconds. Nothing from Bagel. I kissed his ears again, lip smack. Kiss, lip smack.

Bagel was air-kissing me back! The way my best friend Carla and I do when we are trying to be exaggeratedly elegant - - “Mwah! Mwah!” He was showing me that he shared the sentiment, without taking the trouble to connect all the way with my cheek. Or, as I’ve noticed since, sometimes he will actually lick my face the first time I kiss him, and then settle for air kisses the second, third and fourth times. If I continue, the lip smack is eventually reduced to just opening his mouth slightly and making the noise with his tongue.

I had noticed the lip-smacking behavior before when Bagel was being submissive, but I had never realize the one-to-one correlation with my kisses before.

He also does these moody little sighs like a teen aged girl. If he wants something from me and he’s not getting it -- for example, if he wants some of my food, and I give him a strong look -- he turns his head away with an irritated look and does a sharp little sigh, with a loud breath on the way in as well as on the way out. All he needs is to is cross his arms and roll his eyes, and he could be me, circa age fifteen!

I tell clients to always be aware of the “energy” that they are communicating to their dogs - - breathing, facial expression, posture, movement, muscle tension and voice.

The more I observe the micro-elements of Bagel’s energy, the more I discover a rich language that is communicating much more than we primates usually realize.